It's been awhile... Two years actually. Instead of a college student, I am now a college graduate and soon-to-be divinity student. And I am where I least expected to be... I am a pastoral intern in a small, struggling congregation of a small, struggling denomination - their first female pastoral intern and the youngest official intern/pastor (for now anyways).
As I wrote that sentence, my chest got heavy and it got a little harder to breathe. I still remember the 19-year-old college freshman who flat out told her Lord that she would never, ever be a pastor. I grew up a PK (pastor's kid), and I saw the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the joy and the pain, that church ministry brings to a pastor and the pastoral family. I didn't want it.
Have you ever heard something like, "Never tell God what you will not do, because that's what He will call you to do"? Well, that 19-year-old girl turned into a 23-year-old young woman with a burning passion and burden for the broken, the oppressed, and for the Church of Jesus Christ. I wrestled with God. Not only did I know the struggles firsthand of being a pastor/pastoral leadership family, I also knew the current struggles in my denomination and in the Western Church overall. I had no solutions, no answers, I didn't even know if I had anything to say worthy of a weekly Sunday morning message!
What's more, I knew the challenges I would face as a woman in ministry. A life of singlehood? Possibly. No children of my own? If being single was my fate, then most likely not. If the Lord blessed me with a husband and family, the personal struggle between the call to be a wife/mom and the call to ministry- would I have to choose? Would one suffer? A constant struggle between those who believe women should not be in the pulpit (many of my friends and teachers believe this) and my beliefs on the subject/the assurance I had from the Holy Spirit of my calling. Discomfort in a male-dominated field. A battle against my own insecurities. Loneliness.
After lots of counsel and many "Moses-like" conversations with the Lord, I, of course, obeyed and fully embraced the passion and call the Holy Spirit had given me to participate with Him in Christ's continued mission in and with the Church.
I've re-launched this blog to reflect the transitions in my life during the past two years. And also, to be a place where I will record thoughts and ideas as a woman who follows Christ and a woman in ministry. I am captivated by the life, love, joy, sharing, grace, peace, mercy, essence of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I am passionate about God, His Church, and those who don't know who Jesus is or who they are in Him. I may have a bachelor's degree, but I have learned that I know very little about anything, if I know something at all. Whether I am doing laundry, reading, studying, hiking, preaching, playing Ninja with teenagers, watching a movie, in a divinity class, sharing a meal with my congregation, spending quality time with my family and friends, or fighting to assemble a whiteboard that's bigger than I am, or whatever alone or with people, these are my thoughts as I daily embrace the captivated life with the Triune God.
May you be blessed and be a blessing!
